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Cyrano's Ten
Principles
Three:
Everything Changes - Nothing Stays The
Same!
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The
principle here is actually quite simple. This is a reality check. If you are
narrow or closed-minded, pigheaded, stubborn, hateful, resistant, negative, or
generally set in your ways and feel that you are always right, we will have a
problem here, and perhaps you may never get past this first paragraph. I am
about to insult a great many people. Ready? Here we go - How could you
possibly think that nothing changes? How could you even think that some things
never change? This is a definitive follow-up to developing realistic
expectations. We live in a world in which even the hardest materials, granite,
metal, titanium, plastic - no matter what you name, there is movement. In any
of these materials, there is change going on at any given instant. The
molecules in the hardest, coldest thing you could name, are moving right now,
however slowly. Each molecule is its own little universe, with various
particles revolving around each other in constant, neverending motion. The most
solid material you could identify is deteriorating at an almost undetectably
slow rate even as you watch. The reason for this science lesson is to determine
that the things around us are changing. Nothing stays the same. We may not be
aware that they are in motion and changing, but they are!
Another thing
to consider is that it is not only the status of things that changes, but our
perception of them. Our perception molds our reality. You have heard the
saying, "Seeing is believing!" But when two or more people observe the same
event, they may not report it in the same way, or with the same descriptions.
Our view of something becomes our reality. That view can change before our eyes
depending on our states of mind. So we must remember that what we see is a
partial view, and temporary. Taking a new look is always a good idea, and being
ready to adjust one's evaluation is essential.
The concept that
"everything changes" also applies to humans in relationships and in love. Love
between two people is an entity of its own, growing, changing, and possibly
whithering. But nothing, even the most solid of loves, stays exactly the same.
A love may be steadfast and eternal. But with each breath, every person
changes, grows a tiny bit older, more experienced, changing however slightly,
with every moment bringing a new opportunity to develop closeness, or
separateness; adding understanding or perpetuating ignorance; building or
tearing down. Just because the opportunities exist does not mean that we take
advantage of them. We will miss some opportunities, simply because of the
recognition factor or lack of. One must be in the student role, or be able to
take on that persona easily and willingly. Otherwise we will not recognize the
opportunity for what it is - another chance to learn something, to grow and
develop.
Many people resist change. Often this is out of laziness
and/or fear. Learning things puts us to the test of evaluation and commitment.
Once we see, we must decide how we feel. Once we decide how we feel, we must
act accordingly, or defy ourselves in an effort of denial, to allow ourselves
the opportunity to keep doing that which we know we should not. Ignorance is
bliss? No! Ignorance is a lie. It comes from the word "ignore!" Yet people
choose to avoid the truth if it changes their world in a way that they do not
want it to. Sometimes it is more fun or enjoyable to go on believing that
something looks one way, when it actually looks another. Even if no one else
knows, YOU KNOW! Is it so easy to fool yourself? Do you believe your own lies?
Do you keep telling yourself that your dog is fine, even when he is walking
with a limp and can no longer eat? Probably not. If you love that dog, you just
might take heart, drive the dog to your veterinarian, and have him put out of
his misery. In love, that would be the humane approach. Yet in lieu of parting
with "man's best friend," one just might deny that the dog is suffering, and
try to extend its life as long as possible, thus extending the actual suffering
of the poor dog. Now I am not in a position to debate with you whether one way
is more right than the other. But to deny that the dog is suffering? That is a
crime. That is a display of ignorance and selfishness on the part of the
owner.
Perhaps we need to think of the dog, and the idea that, by the
nature of him being your pet, his life is in your hands. He trusts you because
it is his nature to accept instantaneously, without question. If you get past
the first stroke of the head, and the dog has categorized the scent of who you
are, you're good to go! And he will love you regardless of his suffering. He
will offer you no pressure to take care of business in any way out of the
ordinary. But the evolution of his life demands that we see the changes,
acknowledge his condition, and as his caretaker, help him in his plight, even
to put an end to his suffering if it becomes great.
The reason I draw
this picture is to show the development of life and our responsibilities to it.
Nothing stays the same. Life demands that we be aware. It also demands that we
take action, and not sit back letting life be the movie we watch, when we are
actually one of its authors and players. Change is inevitable. We watch as it
happens. What I suggest is that we become alive in change - participants in the
here and now, living in reality, and becoming a part of the energy that
determines what tomorrow will bring. Being neutral doesn't make sense, when we
could be part of the movement. Being a watcher doesn't make sense, when we
could be the actor, the director, and even the writer of the scene. Maybe that
is too abstract. The important distinction I want to make here is that
everything is changing, and we have an opportunity to sit back and simply
coexist with the movement even to the point of detachment to it. Or we can add
our own energy to the movement of life, being a part of the changes by choice
and empowerment.
Another aspect of change is that it applies to
physical elements, and it also applies to intangibles. What are intangibles?
The definition I will apply here is this: that which cannot be perceived by the
five basic senses - feelings, love, honor, respect, goodwill - anything that is
not physically concrete, but has a value in some aspect of attitude or
reasoning. As in my example, love is one of these intangibles, but probably
everyone could say that they know something about it. In regards to everything
changing, love often seems to either grow or die. Try to ignore it, and it will
probably still die. Dodge it, it dies. Nurture it, it grows. Abuse it, it dies.
Respect it, it grows. Try and take it, it diminishes. Give it freely, it
abounds!
Hmmm... strange compound, this thing called love! You must
understand that love is as real as the house you live in and the car you drive.
Yet it's properties are much different. Returning back to the main subject of
this section, even love changes. So the responsibility becomes ours to decide
just how we will love. We all seek it. It will not stay still, allowing some
stagnant condition to continue - either it grows, or it dies! Nothing stays the
same. So, why not help it grow?
By golly, that's a great idea! But how?
Well, there is a lot to learn. I don't claim to know all the "ins and outs." As
a matter of fact, I often feel like a new student, making primitive discoveries
about aspects of love that I thought I already understood. And this knowledge
cannot be absorbed if you think you know it all, and have it figured out. That
stubbornness quotient that keeps people thinking that are smart will cause a
failure to perceive. Just as sure as you are breathing to live, you will be
stumped, and at some point your own rules of engagement will fail, and the
foundations upon which you have set up your approach to life and love will be
shaken.
It would be better to develop an attitude that allows for
change, is open to development, and acknowldges reality, instead of
perpetuating the fantasies and wishes that our imaginations are so good at
designing. Therein resides our reality check. One must learn to open one's
eyes, mind, and heart.
How? ...become the humble student! Allow yourself
to not know all the answers, because, of course, YOU DON"T! Be willing to
admit, "I think, but I am not certain." There is no guilt in admitting to a
lack of understanding, but there is great folly in believing that you have no
lack there. That which you believe is temporary. It is contingent upon
the moment, and the combination of persons, places, and things that are unique
to that event. Also, although you think you are perceiving reality, you just
might be missing something. Your reality is relative, and limited to what you
can perceive, which may be more than, or less than, or simply different than
what another person experiences.
Whether humble or not, you must be a
student. You must be willing to learn. You must be willing to add new data to
the memory in your brain, and allow your thinking to take on a new direction
based on that data.
Which, of course, takes us to our next lesson in
building good relationships...
When The Student Is Ready, The Master
Appears!
Click the following link when you are ready to dig in once
more!
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| Principle #4 - When The Student Is Ready, The Master
Appears. |
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