HOME
ABOUT
GOCYRANO
SENDING
LOVE
CATEGORIES
WRITERS
SEARCH
WRITING
TUTOR
TEN
PRINCIPLES
WEDDING
VOWS
ADVERTISING
USERS
AGREEMENT
ASSOCIATE
LINKS
CONTACT
Sponsors:
|
 |
Cyrano's Ten
Principles
Seven:
The Way To A Woman's
Heart!
|
|
We
have all heard the expression, "The way to a man's heart is through his
stomach." There may be some truth to this. However I will always wonder if a
multitude of poor relationships began and were sustained by great grub holding
together a couple who found little other reason to be together than their love
for food. I am certainly not knocking good cooking. I just have a problem with
the idea that a woman would find a man she wants, and lure him into the "fold"
by feeding him a stream of tidbits, like crumbs in the road, until he was past
the point of no return, and ended up addicted to the crumbs and unwilling to do
without them. I am a believer that the aspirations of any woman would include
being loved, wanted, and needed for more reasons than that she is a "head chef"
quality kitchen worker. It very well might be the reason. However if a
relationship is bad enough, even those great grits won't keep him at the
trough. Hence, there had better be something else. And even if a woman uses
this metaphoric adulteration of truth, believes it, and has her man to prove
it, I believe that she possesses qualities that she is not considering that
weigh more heavily than she gives credit. Will the good cooks out there with a
good man please take this as a compliment?
Okay, enough of that. That
was fun playing with words. The real issue for the moment is that there is no
easy formula for exacting the information necessary to find out what it is that
any particular woman wants. And it won't be as simple as flexing your muscles
or showing how intelligent you are. Why? Because everyone is different. It will
take awareness, diligence, and consistency on the part of the man - REAL
COMMITMENT - to discover what it is the woman of his dreams really wants.
Also it isn't what you know that will facilitate success - it is WHAT YOU
WILL DISCOVER! If in the process of discovery a man can get a good idea of
what will make his soulmate happy, then he will have the first essence of a
clue of what he can do to truly find the pathway to her heart.
Prior to
this section I have presented ideas that were designed to make you think, and
perhaps CHANGE the WAY you think, and inevitably, change the things that you
do. There is a saying: "If you always do what you always did, you'll always
get what you always got." Now that bit of wisdom is worth something. This
implies that you must change. Awareness, learning, and taking new action are a
must. If you do not change what you do, you will continue to reap the harvest
that you always have, and usually it's not enough. If you have seriously
started on this path of awareness and enlightenment, you just may be ready to
begin a serious search for the clues that will pave the path to a woman's
heart. If not, either go back to the earlier principles and figure out why you
are not making these important steps a part of your own agenda, or head for
Google and search for a new hobby, because this one is not for you. You might
as well buy another guy's book on "How To Score!" for twenty bucks, and see if
it launches you on a dating spree with beautiful women. Just remember - he's
charging you for a bunch of insincere, lying and cheating skills and laughing
all the way to the bank, and I am giving you what I deem are some of the
inherent truths of the universe as they concern relationships and humanity -
FOR FREE!
Let's clarify a few things:
First of all,
I am NOT a dating counselor, and never intend to be. I couldn't care less if
some other author says he can have you dating the women of your dreams by this
weekend, and that you can have that foxy woman's phone number in under three
minutes. I despise the attitude of a man who wants more "notches on his gun
handle or bedpost." I can't and won't sell you the secrets to getting laid the
first time, every time, for $19,95, money back guarantee. These types of
authors mock relationship books for a profit, and intend to convey to you that
relationships are something for another day, another guy... and I think they
are right! Especially if you BUY THAT BOOK. They have you pegged, and can tell
that you are a "Shallow Hal," a narrow-minded taker. These authors are going to
give you the insincere tactics of a "player," one who considers the top
priority to have a woman in his bed ASAP, and does not address the subject of
this woman falling in love with you, whether you fall for her or not, and you
are going to eat it all up like a cheap buffet! But guess what? If you DO
happen to stumble onto your soulmate in this process, even though the odds are
pretty miniscule, you 'd better quit reading that Superman Dating Manual, and
start working on relationship skills. Also, you'd better burn the black book,
the manual, and change your phone number, and maybe your address too. Because
otherwise over time you will have a lot of explaining to do - mark my words. A
very important part of any good relationship is honesty. You have to tell your
prospective life mate who you are, and who you were. It'll be a lot easier if
she sees that you started being the sincere, kind-hearted, caring man that she
is attracted to some time ago, after your life lessons started to make sense,
and not just "...yesterday, when I met you!" How sincere could she think you
are?
The concept of the set of Cyrano Principles is to start off working
on your own awareness. That is step one - "Finding Yourself." The things that
follow are more building blocks for you to develop that awareness and turn your
knowledge into action. They are not secrets to unlock the doors to great sex.
(That should happen anyway, if you do the steps successfully, by the way.) Once
the awareness is there and you start taking the appropriate actions to
integrate your new understanding into your life, it is my belief that women
will be drawn to you, and there will be substance and strength in your
character. They will be drawn to you for the right reasons, not the fake,
insincere tactics of a salesman who designs a trap based on what looks like
good, green, real estate looking out over a fertile land, and then delivers a
dry, deadwood, panhandle parcel with a stagnant pond after the contract has
been signed.
It is my belief that there is someone special in the world
for each man and woman. I believe that there is a higher power controlling the
universe, and that we are a part of that energy. And I believe in the Ten
Principles. So, guys, keep working on yourselves, and stop worrying about your
next escapade. It will come soon enough. But if you are seeking a good
relationship, one that has the power to sustain itself through a lifetime, keep
reading, keep learning, and never give up hope. You WILL get there, and it
is NEVER too late.
What does a woman really want? You will be
the one to answer that question. It will probably have multiple answers - all
of them legitimate. They will have some commonality, and that is what I will
deal with for the rest of this section. What women want will fall into
categories, and they will vary in degrees. I don't wish to convey that I know
all the answers or have all the clues. However I do think I have some common
sense to share that will assist every man in finding more of the clues in his
own relationship. Empowering men to make these discoveries themselves is the
only solution. I am convinced that there is no manual that can outline the
moods of every woman, and their specific wants and needs. Yet there are some
conditions that are fairly common, and these are what we must become familiar
with in order to make better decisions, and find ourselves on the right road to
better relationship development.
The following are five categories
of concern relative to what I believe women want
most:
EQUALITY: I don't think that women want to necessarily
BE LIKE MEN. There are places in which women are more suitable than men, even
though many men will be hard pressed to admit it. Men take this as a challenge
and a threat. And as long as they do, the general theme that men will adhere to
will be for men to rule and for women to follow, assist, and play house. I
won't get into a long dissertation about how women make better nurses since
they are more nurturing, and stuff like that. All generalizations have their
faults, and I cannot defend against the barrage of controversy that I would
face by making such claims. Furthermore, for every generalization I could make,
there will be abundant acceptions to the rule to poke major holes in any theory
I put forth. Rather than make unsupportable suppositions, let's just consider
the conditions as I see them, and you decide for yourself.
As I was
saying, I don't think women in general want to be like men. They DO want to be
understood and credited for their own attributes and strengths. They want to be
valued. I believe that as time goes on, women will step into their own, and
their status in business and the economic environment will be undeniable.
Someday a man won't have the advantage of getting the job in the field of
applications because of gender alone. And women won't be stereotyped for
working their way up the corporate ladder by performing sexual favors. I cannot
abide by these stereotypes and generalities, and believe that each individual
must be evaluated fairly, and "may the best woman or man win!" (Notice I did
the gentlemanly thing, and executed a "ladies first," concept... I wonder what
the feminists would say about that? Honestly, I welcome all input. My effort is
to remain unbiased, but even for me that is not always easy. In this case, I
thought it best for making my point not to reverse the prejudice, but also not
to perpetuate a system that is already so pro-men that it appears that I am no
different. I'd rather take the ciriticism.) I applaud those who support
equality in the workplace. It shows insight and fairness. These
are some of the primary building blocks of any relationship. If a man heeds
this "heads-up," he will be far better off gaining the respect of a potential
mate, as she will feel that the field upon which the relationship is built
starts out level.
RESPECT: It won't take long to discover that
all these concepts go hand-in-hand. In order to have equailty, there must be
respect. Not the falsely-expressed, tongue-in-cheek, butt-kissing, assisted
with a fake smile delivery kind. Rather there must be sincere respect. It's
like being the main bully on the block. In that primitive example, the bully
will show absolutely no respect to the lesser bullies until one knocks him on
his butt. Then he'll show respect! Maybe he'll even walk on the other side of
the street as the other passes. Unfortunately this is how respect has worked
for so many thousands of years. The strongest is the one who sets the rules and
the pace. We are now living in the age where that kind of control is not valid
in all areas of life. It never was, but most people responded to it for the
purposes of keeping the peace and self-preservation. It was all about power. It
still is. However the nature of power has changed - the factors of open
knowledge and information have given some of the power back to the people.
Women perceive differently than men, but that does not invalidate their
perspectives. Men are discovering that women have as much on the ball as they
do. So, more power to women. And men, humble yourselves, you stupid jerks!
Forgive me - not all men are stupid jerks. As a matter of fact, if you are a
man and have read all the Principles previous to this one, you are actually a
special kind of guy, and that "jerk" statement does not apply to you at all.
You represent the man of tomorrow - the one that GoCyrano will be proud to have
as a follower and supporter. Respect coming from you will be genuine, and
probably well-received by women.
TRUST: Here is the factor of
ultimate support - Guys, never say ANYTHING that you don't mean. Do not
bullshit! Just in case you do not know, most women have built-in bullshit
sensors, and can read a line of crap as it is delivered. Furthermore, most of
you guys cannot lie well enough to hide the fact that you are, in fact, lying!
If the truth hurts, imagine how much more it will hurt when she discovers that
you didn't tell her the truth in the first place. Another thing - it won't
necessarily be the facts that are so painful. It might be the idea that you
DIDN'T TRUST HER ENOUGH TO TELL HER UP FRONT! Why would you want to tell
untruths to your soulmate anyway? Why would you want to hide? There may be
things from your past that are painful. But if you really do meet your
soulmate, she will be up for facing your past with you as well as your future.
If there is something that you must keep secret from your prospective
soulmate, it had better be something that your conscience can live with. I
personally have a devastating conscience, and know that I ALWAYS get caught
when trying to skimp on honesty. I suppose that there are times that I have
dulled the edges of truth, or failed to tell all of the important facts...
These are still lies, and as human beings - not just men - we should strive to
rid ourselves of the paranoia and anxieties that tell us that it is necessary
to use them. In a good relationship, one must treat a partner as one would
treat the court reporter - recording all things, word for word, the whole
truth, and nothing but the truth. For one thing, if you do this, guys, you
never have to wonder about what you said. It's a whole lot easier to remember
the truth and retell it, than to try and reconstruct the series of lies you
devised in order to avoid what you thought was the "hotseat!" No one told me
this one. Maybe some tried, but inevitably I had to learn it on my own. It's a
tough but valuable lesson.
Be open, and be honest, and you will gain
her trust. Lose it, and there will always be a question. Gaining ground on
this one is a lot harder than keeping it intact from the start. What she wants,
and what you need to give, is confirmation that you trust her with the most
intricate pieces of your life; the most vulnerable parts of your being; the
things that not just anyone can possibly know. Trust her, and allow her to
trust you by being a trustworthy and faithful friend. Do things she will be
proud of, and let her know that it is important to you that she believes in
you.
COMMUNICATION: I know, this is the fourth factor in this
segment of five... Why? Because without the first three factors this one is
irrellevent. Without the first three qualifications of equality, respect,
and trust, THERE IS NO COMMUNICATION... Just lies. Just the stuff from that
dating book for $19.95 that may get you into her bed, but never her heart.
However if you do take the time to understand the first three factors listed
above, communication will be superior, and you are going to have a much better
chance of having a real soulful experience. And if you do, there is a greater
chance that a relationship of soulmates will develop. There is always a chance
that you will have a great relationship and just be friends. There is nothing
wrong with that. The problem is when there is a lacking in the realm of
communication, and higher expectations are placed on the experience. If you are
sticking to the concept of Principle #2, and are developing realistic
expectations, you won't expect to meet your soulmate before your time. Hence,
you WILL expect to develop some new friends, some of them women, and that is a
good thing for many reasons. Women in general will enhance your lives with many
of the things you seek from a partner - the gentleness, tenderness, hugs, and
other "feeling" things. No reason not to have these things, regardless of
whether or not you are going beyond casual dating and being intimate. People
need attention. People need to be touched. It is a part of feeling accepted. It
is, in itself, a very important part of communication. When the right woman
comes along and sees the "real you," that touch is going to feel INCREDIBLE! So
don't try to edit just how your communication is delivered depending on whether
your prospect "might" be your soulmate. Start by being yourself. Treat people
fairly, and with respect. Gain their trust. Communicate honestly, giving of
yourself. Perhaps these factors alone will guide you to the right person at the
right time, and a soulmate experience will begin. However there is one
more thing that most people, men and women alike usually need to
conquer...
PERMISSION: I woman seeks permission. That's number
five. What do I mean by that? Let's start with what I DON'T mean:
I do
not mean that the woman you meet needs YOUR permission for anything. I do not
imply that you need her's, either, although permission to proceed with
relationship development is necessary. I don't mean that we need our parent's
permission or our friend's approval to date or be with someone, although
sometimes that kind of support or endorsement is essential to smooth sailing.
Here's what I DO mean:
Each individual comes to a relationship with a
number of mind sets. It is a list of conditions, many parts of which they may
not be able to articulate or even identify. These are conditions in the mind,
sometimes buried so deep that they result only in feelings - desires,
repulsions, wants, needs, anxieties, attractions, etc. They are identified by
automatic responses to things, people, places, words, interactions between
people, and even the imagination - thinking of things, real or not, that may be
related to joys, anxieties, and fears. They cause the individual to have
feelings and ideas about just how worthy or deserving they are of a good
relationship. I had them myself when developing my present relationship. There
were times when I wondered how a woman so wonderful could possibly want to be
with me. I couldn't figure out how to qualify for a relationship for which I
felt unworthy and insufficient. You can imagine what this kind of thinking does
to any male ego. I was no different. With the help of a kind, gentle,
thoughtful, compassionate, passionate, caring woman, I got over many of my
inner hangups, and we are doing extremely well.
All people have some
kinds of hangups. Overconfidence is a hangup. It is the pendulum swinging in
the opposite direction after overcoming feelings of inadequacy, and fearing
that that condition will rule. Shyness is a hangup. It is the result of a
similar feeling of inadequacy, only without the ego bursting forth to
overcompensate. There are a million other factors, and each of them have
degrees. So how can people overcome their fears and have confidence in
themselves enough to enjoy life, meet people, and find someone with whom a
great relationship is possible?
YOU MUST BELIEVE, AND SHE MUST
BELIEVE! Part of this belief must be that it doesn't take purity to be
worthy of goodness and love. We are all worthy! Some people don't
believe this, and work hard, without realizing what they are doing, to sabotage
themselves and destroy their chances of success. Self-doubt is very
destructive. Others may have a sense of their worthiness, and yet hesitate to
pursue happiness. Others will have little confidence, but want to succeed so
badly that they overcome their fears with success itself. "I was scared to
death, but I went anyway!" A lot can happen if one tries, takes the next step,
and finds themselves in the land of success. Remember, "If you always do what
you always did, you'll always get what you always got." YOU MUST DO
SOMETHING DIFFERENT! And if you do, you will get new results.
I
must return to the main subject of this section - PERMISSION. Now you
have an idea of what I DON'T mean by permission, and some of the things that
keep us from gaining permission because we cause ourselves to feel
unworthy.
THE PERMISSION WE NEED IS FROM OURSELVES!
The
woman in your life must know that it's okay to live, to love, and to enjoy.
Feeling unworthy will keep us from experiencing goodness when it is there.
Feeling like we don't deserve will taint anything positive and make it feel
misplaced, like someone else's property that happened to be left behind. "This
is not mine..." That's how it will feel. When we have this kind of feeling and
thinking, we sabotage ourselves into destroying the great opportunity to enjoy
life, and end up rejecting what was rightfully ours, and throwing it away.
Now I will speak to the women out there, but please bear in mind that
what I am trying to convey applies to both women and men. Women need to
understand the following, and men too. But it is the job of us guys to help our
partners feel it and believe it - we are a part of their confirmation factors.
What happens is that we become our own worst enemies, and keep
ourselves from our own happiness. What a pesky critter this "unworthiness"
is! Well then, get rid of that pet! Quit telling yourself that you are bad.
Quit allowing negativity to rule your world. Stop using self-punishment as a
fix-all to your own conscience issues. The only person you are punishing is
yourself. Well, that's not totally true... You are also punishing your family,
your friends, and your potential soulmate who you are about to meet! But they
don't have to accept your negative energy either. In most cases family and
friends will try to understand and be compassionate. But ultimately they may
know what you need to know - that ONLY YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY!
Happiness is a state of mind that comes from having the basic needs of living
met, and then stepping beyond that, which allows for a bit of luxury,
enjoyment, and love. But even when these things exist, one can decide NOT to be
happy. There is always something to criticize, complain about, and argue about.
If you are that kind of person, this website and the teachings herein may be of
no use to you. This information is for soul-searchers, believers, and people
who want to live their lives in and with love. However there are those whose
actual problems lie deep inside, where others are not allowed. Sometimes it
takes a professional to break through the wall of insecurity to get to the root
of the problem and the fear. I know that this is not for everybody - BUT IT
SHOULD BE! If you are stuck in the world of being a victim and finding fault
everywhere around you, more than likely you should seek professional help to
get to the root of these feelings. I believe in counseling, and encourage
everyone to try it. We may not think we need it, but all will be
surprised.
GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION. It doesn't matter how
terrible life has been, or how bad you have been. It doesn't matter who you
were yesterday, as long as today you want to change. It doesn't matter how
smart you are, and it doesn't matter what you look like, talk like, or feel
like. However it does matter... that YOU BELIEVE! You must know that you
can change if you want to, and we all do need to follow the trend of change
(Cyrano Principle #3). What matters is that you are willing to listen, learn,
and take new actions. It does matter if you are willing to do whatever it takes
to support the relationship of your dreams. It does matter if that you
believe that you are worthy. And in spite of all else or where you stand in
your own self-analysis, YOU ARE WORTHY, YOU ARE OKAY, AND YOU ARE LOVABLE.
So, as of this moment, you can give yourself permission. Men and
women both - Give yourself permission to be free of inner anxieties and
negative thoughts. Reject negative thinking, and believe that good things are
coming. Believe that you are worthy! Believe that there is someone out there in
this world waiting for the love you wish to share. Believe that the most
incredible relationship you could ever imagine is about to be
yours...
...GIVE YOURSELF PERMISSION TO LOVE, AND ENJOY LIFE!
Everything else that you have been waiting for will now have a chance to
follow.
Here is something to ponder: Suppose you have been a
grouch, an angry person, and what people would call a "soothsayer of doom,"
because every time you opened your mouth negativity comes from it. Ciriticism
and finding fault are your specialties. These things do not make you happy, but
it is the chosen way that you deal with life. Perhaps you are bitter because
things have not gone your way. You feel abused, stifled, and feel that people
have taken advantage of you. Think back - If you could remove all the
negativity from your past thoughts and actions, what would be different? Would
anything else have befallen you to make your situation worse? Could you have
unknowingly accused people of things they did not do? Did you make mountains
out of molehills and ensure anxiety and chaos were a part of your relationship?
Did you worry about things that never happened?
It is human to worry.
But the truth is that we spend an enormous amount of time and energy worrying
about things that seemingly impose a threat, yet will probably never happen.
Smart people focus on the real problems at hand, and prepare for the worst.
Yet, more of their time is spent preparing for the best, and looking forward to
good things. Positive energy breeds more positivity and better results.
Negative energy breeds a lot of waste, and cannot possibly move your towards a
goal of happiness.
Are you wealthier because of your negatitivy? Did it
stop any major negative event from happening? Are you happier with your
negativity? I dare say that some people need that negativity to survive. It is
what theyu are familiar with in life, and that ishow they must conduct
themselves. I consider this a sickness, and against the flow of natural life.
It is certainly a deterrent to loving. Negativity closes the mind in order to
shelter the inner person from imaginary hurts, or it is an effort to avoid
these pains again. Howeve rit is not reality, and it is not helpful. It only
serves to weaken and destroy. Ultimately, most worrying will not stop an event
from happening. It might help alert you when a problem arises. But we should be
aware enough to recognize the problems anyway. So the few things that will
happen whether we worry or not are not lessened in impact because we worried,
and the time and energy that we used to worry was wasted.
The truth is,
if you could go back and remove all that negativity, you would probably be a
happier person, and very few of the things you were negative about would have
played a real part in your life.
We must strive to be more positive
and productive! There is no time for negativity.
There are a few
more things to think about before we move on to the next principle. The subject
of this section is how to find the way to a woman's heart. In order to be on
this path, you must be in tune with the principles prior to this one,
Principles 1-6. They establish a foundation of awareness and thinking, and take
you to the starting block of action. "The Way To A Woman's Heart," implies
taking action. It is a path, a mission, an adventure. One must be willing to
learn and make discoveries. One must read, not just words or statements, but
feelings, implications, moods, and emotions. As men, we don't have to BE like
women to understand what they are trying to convey to us. There is nothing
anti-macho about sensing a woman's needs and being willing to fulfill them,
whatever they are.
The Path - Here it is in a
nutshell:
Most women want to be listened to, valued, and loved. They
want to feel respected. They want to be trusted, and be able to trust you in
return. They want to have the basic securities of life - food, clothing, and
shelter. They will work hard to make enough money to enjoy life, take
vacations, and have plenty of time for intimacy. I am sure that there is much,
much more, and a universe of details and particulars. But whatever ideas you
might be able to add, couple them with the following two
concepts...
1) A woman wants to feel that she deserves to enjoy life,
and share it with the man of her dreams. And...
2) She wants to feel
like she is the center of his universe!
Whether or not two
individuals can be centers of each other's universes is not the point.
FEELING LIKE IT IS THE POINT! In answer to the question "Why do you love
him so much?" many women would answer something starting with this: "He makes
me feel like... ________!" and you can fill in the blank... as long as it is a
good, positive thing.
So, guys, in the nutshell, you will find the
tools of awareness, understanding, willingness to learn, giving, and taking
action. When you start taking action, make sure that you convince the woman of
your dreams that she too can dream, and deserves everything good that life has
to offer. Then treat her like Venus, Diana, and the other goddesses of love who
are placed high on pedestals and worshipped. I am not talking about being a
slave, although some (including myself) have considered that possibility... But
I AM talking about taking care of your lady. Waiting on her. Caring for her.
Listening to her. Doing for her. Protecting her. Loving her! And if you have
found the right lady, she will respond, grow, blossom, and transform into the
woman she is meant to be, free from the shackles of life and psychological
entrapment. YOU WILL SET HER FREE! And she, in turn will set you free,
too! Although I am not offering a written guarantee, I do believe this to be
true.
So there are your clues for your mission of discovery. As elusive
as it may seem, the pathway is there, waiting to be discovered and guide you to
her heart. It has to do with making her feel how she wants to feel - secure,
special, beautiful, and loved. The reason I stated early on that you will have
to find the actual answers, is that each woman is unique, and so are her
wants and needs. When you discover what these needs are, you will be the
most qualified to determine what you must do to make her feel fulfilled. You
must be willing to do whatever it takes. Making her happy is making YOU happy.
Because if you find your special lady her welfare will become more important
than your own life, and her happiness will be as fulfilling for you as it is
for her. Of course, her response to being happy is going to add a multitude of
other conditions and events to your life that will enhance your existence in
ways you cannot yet imagine. A woman, after all, is a wondrous creature, full
of mystery and magical rewards!
The road to discovery is for the seeker.
One who seeks, finds. If we are aware, we will perceive truth. Once we know the
truth, we can act with confidence and commitment. If we act with confidence and
commitment, we will produce good results. With those results we will make a
woman feel secure, special, beautiful, and loved. Therein lies the path - the
way to a woman's heart, the lover whom you will adore - and a destiny of a two
people embracing life to the fullest!
|
|
 |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
